4 rules to set better expectations

In life, I view managing any of my friendships like managing a bank account. Every time I set an expectation with another person by saying “yes,” “sure,” or “I’m gonna” and come through on what I said, it’s like I’m making a deposit. On the other hand, failing to meet those expectations is the same as making a withdrawal, which over time will damage my reputation of being a trustworthy friend.

In a perfect world I would always say “yes” when a friend asks me to do something they care about and I’d always deliver on that yes. The issue is that I don’t have enough time or energy to meet everybody’s requests and demands.

So to make sure my bank accounts are always full without it draining my time and energy, I’ve found it important to be better at managing expectations.

People are always gonna have something they want from me. That’s just a part of life, and I’m sure I can’t stop that. It’s not in my control. But while we can’t control when others impose demands on our time, we can control our responses. Here are four rules I’ve adopted to guide my responses and manage expectations well:

Rule 1 - Ask myself "hell yes? or no"

When I get a request to do something, my first rule is to ask myself, “Is this a hell yes?” If the answer isn’t an emphatic yes, then it’s a clear “no.”

I got this rule from the book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,” by Mark Manson a while ago. I always liked the rule because it keeps decision-making simple and ensures I only commit to things that will really excite me.

Rule 2 - Take the words “I’m gonna” & “I will” out of my vocabulary

There have been a ton of times in my life when someone needed help, and unprompted I’d volunteer to show up by saying something like “I’m gonna” or “I will.” But when the time to help would come around I’d realize that I had already made another plan. Or sometimes I flat out didn’t feel like going anymore.

When this happens, I’ve learned to take it as a sign that I’m overcommitting myself. To stay away from overcommitting, I learned to just stop volunteering to do things.

If I want to help, I’ll jot the task down instead of saying anything. Then, if the day comes and I still want to help, I can do it. But if I’m not wanting to still show up for whatever reason, it’s okay because I never obligated myself to do that.

Rule 3 - Do it right then and there. Don’t save it to do later

I’ve learned the hard way that if I’m in a conversation with someone and I say I’m gonna do something or look something up when we’re done talking, it never happens. Whenever I say “I’ll do this later” I almost always get distracted and it never gets done.

So to get around this, if a task can be completed immediately I do it in that moment or during the conversation. So far, following this rule has successfully cut out the risk of forgetting or procrastinating.

Rule 4 - Be on do not disturb or respond right away.

I’m pretty notorious for taking a long time to respond to peoples’ texts. I just never liked the idea that at any moment in my day someone can message me and if I don’t respond in a certain timeframe it’s considered “rude”. Also, sometimes it can be distracting to message people back and forth.

So to get around these two issues, I started to use the “Do Not Disturb” feature on my phone. If I’m not in the mood to respond to people, I’ve given myself permission to put my phone on this mode and keep it on as long as I want. But when my phone is off of Do Not Disturb I must respond to any messages I receive as soon as I get them, right then and there.

For the people in my life whose messages or calls I never wanna miss(like my mom for example), I’ve added them as favorites in my phone contacts. This makes their messages and calls still show on my phone, even if I’m on Do Not Disturb.

That’s all for the four rules. I hope these help you manage your energy as well as the expectations you set with others better. Best wishes!

Have a business or personal goal you’re currently going for but struggling to reach? I’ll help you put together a game plan to get it done. You can sign up for one for free at goaldoctors.com. We’ll be happy to help! — from Nic